Monday, November 30, 2009

A Peace Offering

My submission for 67% is still forthcoming, but in the meantime:

This guy has articulated a number of things I've been trying to figure out for years now. I'm inclined to agree with pretty much everything he says (at least until I hear a better counterargument.) What do you bros think about what he says?

Wednesday, November 25, 2009


I once met a man from Kalamazoo
A strange lil’ fellow who lived in a zoo
He had three turtles but gave away two
He gave them away for six bright blue shoes

I once saw a man run pass this seashore
A strange lil’ fellow who slept on my floor
He had six blue shoes but gave away four
He gave them away for nine new screen doors

I once knew a man who wore white tunics
A strange lil’ fellow who juggled toothpicks
He had nine screen doors but gave away six
He gave them away for twelve candle sticks

I once heard a man who was my roommate
A strange lil’ fellow who always sang late
He had twelve candles but gave away eight
He gave them away for fifteen ice skates

I once watched a man who played in pigpens
A strange lil’ fellow who laughed like a hen
He had fifteen skates but gave away ten
He gave them away for eighteen small wrens

I once knew a man from Kalamazoo
A strange lil’ fellow who left one turtle,
Two blue shoes, three screen doors, four candle sticks,
Five ice skates, and eighteen wrens in my room.

Now where this fellow went nobody knows,
But when I find out I’ll bloody his nose.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

67% Body Fat

"I know it's time to hibernate, but I still think 67% is a little high!"

This hits a little to close to home concerning my own physical state. I don't normally do gouache, but I thought this would be a good forum for experimenting.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Words Rule!

Words make all the difference.

I googled "67%".

Okay, so that was a mistake. You see, Google is smarter than me. It knows that I really didn't want that % symbol included in the search, so it ignored the symbol and brought back every reference to the numeral 67. All 778 million of them. (Google, of course, for my convenience, since it knows what I want, eliminates the duplicates, leaving... 42 hits--31 of them and eBay ads.)

So, being the savvy Googler that I am, I searched for "67 percent".

Much better. 1,310,000 hits. All of them actually containing the phrase I asked for.

And then, having paid attention in third-grade math, on a whim, I googled the phrase "two-thirds".

17,500,000 hits.

I have a masters degree in English.

I can find meaning in anything. Whether it's really there are not.

The meaning I found in my dabbling with Google and 67%?

First, we don't like symbols. Google knows that. It knows we hate symbols so much that it doesn't even recognize they exist. Just to make sure, I googled the symbol %.

Zero hits.

There are apparently no uses of % on the Internet.

Or, for that matter, ~, `, !, @, #, $, ^, or any other symbols on the keyboard, except for...

_ (1.3 billion hits), and
& (7.9 billion hits).

Apparently & has a special arrangement with Google. I won't speculate, but I think it should be looked into. Or maybe we're better off not knowing.

Anyway, apparently nobody cares. Because we don't like symbols.

Second, we like words more than numerals. This statement is not backed up by comparing "67 percent" (1,310,000 hits) with "sixty-seven percent" (871,000 hits). But I will provide conclusive evidence in a minute.

Third, we like simple. 67 percent is roughly equivalent to two-thirds. 67 percent is 67 out of a hundred. 100 is a lot. Some of us can't even count that high. But two-thirds--we could have suffered an unfortunate table saw accident and still have enough fingers on one hand to count two out of three.

Google "two-thirds"--17,500,000 hits.

Okay, I thought, but people have to prefer the numerals, if for no other reason than that they require less writing. Google hits for "2/3rds"?

4,980,000. People would rather take the time to spell out the term than use the number.

And that is why I write picture books for children. Because people hate symbols, aren't fond of numerals,

and they love simple words and concepts.

And so do I.

At least sixty-seven percent of the time.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Fort-Nightly Topic, New Topic

Our very first topic.  Awwww.  Makes me cry a happy tear.

So, the topic: 67%

Go for it.